Vertigo

What is Vertigo?  afraid to fall..., deception, to open the eyes,can be painful, but "perder no impide apostar", and another AIC , "watched your feelings become your god...its your decision....you feed the fire that burns us all when u lied,to feel the pain that spur ypu on Black inside.."...mmmm. A a beautiful shiny needle. "the pain, the only thing thats real" said Jhonny. "be brave" i think.

Platon

"Habia una vez ..el hombre en su inicio, era un gigante de dos cabezas,
Zeus se sintio intimidado por su felicidad y grandeza, entonces los partio por la mitad,
desde ahi k uno busca su otra parte y no se es 100% feliz hasta k la encuentras"  el dijo..
yo cante... "The origin of Love".
Hermosa noche llena de gratas sorpresas.

El dijo.

Hedonism

Am i scaping of myself? do i hang around just with people who is like me? dont all of us do that?
im a completely selfdestructive person...i realized, when im sad..i lock myself..indoors, guitar, silence,cigs and dark thoughts.
but when im happy, nothings matter to me neither.the moment is everything...future nothing.im a caving my own graveyard?..dont we all
do the same?...why do i feel different then? Jhonny , Morrisey , Kurt , Layne, Thom , Jim, Richard. My inner friends hang with me at this time...
inmerse in a world without future,a world of now.filling the room with smoke til i dissapear.and i dont feel bad, i feel in a weird comfort.
"the comfort of being sad" said Kurt."My Videotape" to all, a window to one slow light crossing every single bone, flesh and veins.
Sadness and happines are just moments, so what am i.the feeling of nothing between them? a hope?
Looking throught a window how life happens o others while im still here.looking for something.
Hedonism will take me to some point? soon, i know.

Safe Music

well..Interesting feeling around...specially being bored...interesting cause theres still
places the i dont know and i dont have no even one month on this ship, but its true..its a boring one
but, thats makes me a sad but inspirated person.so..something good must have.
i definetly love italy, has so much history,its a city full of life!impresive, u feel small walking trough the
beautiful walls, uncontable bridges, u fell like u want to get lost!oh..how much i would love to live there...
and i still dont get the point of the Gondolas, the little boats that ride you thruogh Venice.They r so expensive and its the same
that to use the Vaporetto, or water taxis.well in gondolas just 2 people and vaporetto 50 XD.But Venice has this romance feeling around
to be surrounded of music, fine arts and an antique city,fuul of dark and small streets with restaurants,mmmm
impressive the fact that theres no streets at all! i mean..for cars, u walk through venice and theres no cars at all!you only walk,and its great.
i came back at 4 am,i was drinking wine and beer with 2 photogs and 2 italian guys that we knew in a restaurant.Lovely, to have this little piece of
reality, get to know new people,thats seems to be easier outside now,(on my last ship was so easy to know people..here.nobody even say hi)
walk at night,to hear the sound of the night,and get lost.
I think im starting to miss back home...and my feeling are that maybe ill no finish this contract...cause till now monotony can kill me,
thats why im planning some fun stuff to do here.By know...i miss my friends.and i cover myself with music thats makes me feel safe.

In the Cabin

well.
here am i, in my cabin, my small little piece of privacy in this ship.Im listening Radiohead
im chillin out for an hour before go to stup studios wich is one of the things i hate about
being photographer on ship.Setup and breakdown every day.
Im taking very easy this contract.i have more free time,im resting more...
learning to have my time to do things i like ,edit photos,write,listening music.The bad thing
on being more free is that time pass a little bit slowly...now i have time to miss all the people..
to think more...etc..
but for one reason i think im goping to grow up after this contract.Im having ideas about my future,
what to do...finding myself maybe.
i cannot read books here..cause if i sit to read i fall sleep LOL..and i hate to sleep a lot.
but at nights im sleeping ok, more than 4 hours, no like tha last contract.
parties here sucks anyway..there no back deck only a smelly little hole when everyone smokes and with to
loud music to have a nice conversation.anyway, that place is almost empty always.I dont know
what people do here to relax...is weird..but im having a nice ,quiet life.
hope this dont take me to feel depressed or dismotivated.now what i really really want its a good companion
to go aorund europe, places etc..but i know that i need more time too.I need to know more people than photogs.
I feel no pressure,  no stress, maybe cause i know my job already, and for now we dont have a BM,so nobody is
giving us shit,im going to keep this quiet rythm for now, but i realized that im not that smiley like before.
Im starting losing weight,but just cause the food here is good,you can choose everything you like on the buffet
restaurant.For example my dinner last night was, a nice letucce,corn,tomato,shrimps salad,with a piece of roasted duck
tea and a slice of bread...nice uh?.
Yesterday i went to walk to the city of Pireus,next to Athens in Greece.I liked cause it was so so so familiar.and
amazing churches.i went into one..it has some Bizantine painting outside,when i opened the door...i had to close it again
it was a Big real Shock! for my eyes.this is one of my fav arts in the world..i never thought that maybe i could see
a church for real like this one.i opened the door again i i couldnt believe my eyes..every single piece of church was
painting with bizantine art..full of golden borders,OMG.a lady standed uo and said " sorry but u cannot take pictures or video"
i wanted to kill her in that moment but the only thing i did was stay quiet with my mouth open watching everything.
that was a magic and important moment in my life.but the person next to me didnt know...and i wanted to share this with someone.
thats why i want now someone who likes this things like me...amazing.
Tomorrow im going to change my cabin...im living now with Lee,whos a great guy,nice and quiet.But still hes a guy, and we have to to
share bathroom,wich is always a little problem for girls.so im going to live with Antonija,the girl of the team wich i get along very well.
Its better this way,even i would rather to live with Lee.but ok..i dont care so much.
"Let down"..sounds, and i realized that i miss my more deep,creative side.i need to start to create.
Miss u guys.Wich to take you all in my bag and hang around all together.Love xx

Day 2

English please!
Ok, i change the chip again, everything's english, what a surprise today, formal night
i founded easy, but we hvae to do more shit cause now i here they use the PENTAB, whic is to
pass the card every time the guest want to take a picture...pf.
well..anyway, life here is easy guys, is so slow, its mostly old people, dont get me wrong i like old
people, thats something weird about me, i like to talk with them and laugh, dont know, i like them.BUT theyre
very slow, resi is slow, portraits,  but i got a good number of images today,so its ok.
we can go to eat at a restaurant on the deck 14,(yes my ship has 14 floors now)3 more than the other, is a new ship
so its nice, very nice decoration, amazing lounges and restaurants,and the people, you notice inmediatly
that they re"people with money".its my second day here and i havent went to any bar and havent drink any beer,
yes..ANY BEER, can u imagine that? well, we have to charge the card before use it, so i dont have money yet, but
at the end of the cruise i will, and ill be more familiarized with the ship.
It supused that i can smoke in my cabin, but i have a smoke detector, so anyway i have to open de door of the bathroom
and my "roomate" (the guy who lives next to me) he doesnt smoke, so i have to take care with that.
as i have no money on my card, i can not use internet, im desperate!, i want to tell that im ok and that im alive haha.
but tomorroe we go to civitaveccia, in  Rome, so i will find a place to get connected, and ill try to sub some pictures
of the trip to here.
im listening music everynight and reminds me so much of my friends and my life, my real life...sometimes i get
confused and i dont know wich one is my real life, i feel like i havent vacations, that i never get off the ships.
its weird.
i dont have any "friends" here yet, but i talk more with Lee,the guy from england whos new like me, so we have to go to
every trainning and with a girl from croatia of my team.and thats it, for now.
i was wondering that i miss a loot the other ship cause i had a lot of friends and i knew everyone there!
but i realized that just need time, i really hope to make good friends here like in the grandeur.
i miss my friends from there too, Todd, Damian, Andriij, David, Dmitry, Serjei,Bincon, Ben, Adam, etc.
i hope to find the motivation enough to stay here 6 months.
Ok, time to sleep cause tomorrow i have to work at 7:30.but then, Italy.:)
Nighty night.
Oh! i just arranged my cabin, it looks nice, but small.Ill take pics of that too.

Dia Uno

hEME AKI, He llegado bien, sin ningun problema de aduanas, aeropuertos,etc..
me vino a dejar un guapo en taxi,y llegue al barco, estuve esperando como 10 min k alguine vivniera
a buscarnos y nada.A l final nso hicieorn pasar al crew office,los datos etc..cuanod aparece un ingles
con cara de wena onda "Lucian" es mi photo lab manager,le pregunto inmediatamente cuantas mujeres hay en el team
,no kiero ser la unika otra vez, me dice k hay una mas chilena y k konoce a miki tb.
Me llevan a lo que sera mi pieza, hogar por 6 meses y me encuentro con uan cabina mil veces mas chica de lo k ya me habia
imaginado, vivo sola si,pero es tan pekena k la cama se reclina hacia arriba.Cuatico.me pregunto si no me dara claustrofobia
,y que como em acostumbre a estar encerrada k en mis vacacione scasi ni salia a caminar o hacer cosas.
Bueno, dejo msi cosas, me bano y me visto, llevo ya 14 horas de viaje, mi cuerpo dice k son las 5 am (hora de Chile) pero mi nueva realidad
dice k es hora de trabajar y son solo las 2 pm.con todo un hermoso doa de training(sobre la seguridad en el barco0, drill (los simulacros) y toda l atrde
enla gallery.Un chico tb ingles, de Birmigam (me encanta su acento) es mi vecino, y tb llego hoy al barco,foto 2.Resulta k ahora parece ser
k somos los dos con mas experiencia ya k el ekipo esta llenod e fotos 1.lo k es bueno y malo.Bueno por k ganaremos mas dinero y sabemos la pega,y malo
por k tendremos mas responsabilidad...pero weeno.
Yo no encuentro la hora de recorrer roma y de conectarme a internet,aun no tengo tarjeta ni dinero para llamar o para ver el facebook.
maniana es sea day y formal night (el dia k mas se trabaja),asi que toy cachando k maniana tampoco carrete ni internet.
Pero ,lo bueno, es esto.El ritmo es lentisimo, relajaaado, mi primera cena en el barco fue con Lee de england y con Ivan de Croacia
ambos resimpaticos,en la parte trasera del barco, al aire libre, mirando el atardecer.en una cena buffet en un retaurant.k mas? LOL
pero saben k? aun con todo eso...siento un vacio penca dentro mio, como k estos 6 meses se haran interminables.
ya llevo mas de 30 horas sin dormir y me duele la cabeza.aun asi kieor fumar un cigarro, pero kreo k no lo hare.y mejor al tuto.Maniana otro dia de pega.
o uno menos.mejor veamoslo asi.
No se por k, pero escucho Deftones y extrano mucho Curacao...

Dia Cero

son las 3:40 pm, voy volando en el avion mas grande de la flota Iberia.(eso lo supe por la revista abordo sobre l;a aerolinea)
Santiago estab muy frio y con lluvia, sdegun la pantalla vamos sobrevolando Brasilia y ya llevamos 3 horas de vuelo, faltan como 9 horas aun para
llegar a Madrid.
Esta vez me siento significativamente distinta a la primera vez k viaje, ya que aquella vez viaje con mis amigos y todo era nuevo, "a la aventura!"
despues fue que nos dimos cuenta que nuestra aventura tenia su lado oscuro (como todo en realidad), por lo menos a mi, no me impidio disfrutar, trato de ser
lo mas consecuente con mis decisiones.Ahora, voy seria, algo nostalgica, sin ganas en realidad de socializar.Espero que se me pase al llegar al barco por que
eso si seria un problema abordo. Bueno fue un poco extrano  venir sola al aeropuerto y hacere todo ese tramite sola,pero no terrible.Esta vez mi maleta va mucho mas vacia
que la primera vez, aun asi llevaba 5 kg de sobrepeso que debia pagar, pero el caballero que me atendio se hizo el tonto y me dejo pasar.Genial! voy con 50 euros  espero que me alcance
para el taxi desde el aeropuerto de Barcelona hasta el puerto.Donde me espera mi nuevo hogar.
He descubierto ciertas extranias coincidencias en este viaje. haber, cuando me llamaron por primera vez a embarcar hacia el caribbe, al dia siguiente llega Mathilde, couchsurfing de Paris francia
se quedo en mi casa mientras yo andaba como loca antes de partir.Aquella vez yo me embarke en el Grandeur of the Seas, pero mi visa a USA decia que me embarcaba en "Celebrity Solstice", que es el barco donde
me embarco en unas hoas mas...(wierd)...Despues, hace aprox 4 dias atras me llega un email,ofreciendome ir a trabajar otra vez, pero esta vez a una nueva empresa de cruceros, celebrity.Dia siguiente llega
Christopher, couchsurfing de Paris, Francia.y aparte de todo eso, saben que fecha es ahora y que se celebra en el mundo? el Solsticio de invierno/verano....
espero que todas estas extranas coincidencias sean una forma de senales que me envia mi futuro yo (si esa que viaja por el tiempo en una TARDIS) y que todo sea parte de un plan maginifico que me llevara
a la plena felicidad y sabiduria infinita XD, o simplemente si no lo es, al menos lo habre intentado no?.
Para variar, me toko un caballero algo "abultado" al lado mio, es bien callado y yo no estoy ni ahi con armar conversa.Pero lo escuche hablar por telefono y no se en que idioma...impossible reconocer.raro.
Bueno, el viaje sera largo, los asientos minusculos , la comida..de avion.y turbulencias muchas! he sentido ya dos veces esa sensacion de caer, como que el avion cae de golpe y tu mandas un salto, hahah
si , da susto, pero todos se tratan de hacer los cool y mientras yo voy escuchando un Audio Book de Doctor Who, que me mantiene con la mente en un viaje fantastico en la TARDIS (segunda vez k cito dr who, omg.)
Vamos por sobre las nubes, y ya se siente el calorsh,sobre las nubes de algodon veia a los Carinositos y al unicornio Robot.:D
espero, llegar bien, entender el fucking aeropuerto de madrid, y llegar a la hora al barco.Y espero poder ver hombres guapos en Espania, mi madre tierra. LOL.
Oh! me acabo de acordar que me se el himno de Espania....(como y por k?, historia para otro dia).

My life through the Music (almost a whole book)

I dont stop thinking about that i should start to write a blog while i was on board the ship, but everything was so confusing that im sure i would write the wrong impressions
right now im on a bus, its 13 of April 2011its 6 .25 pm,oim goping to Temuco , a city near to my home city Valdivia, the road scares me like al;ways...im listening music and im really trying to rememeber that feeling..but i cant.
everything is so beautiful now,the sky, the grass, the trees,cows and all the animals that i can see next to the road.The weather is perfect to me,sunny days but cold enough to wear scarf and jacket
the susnset is gorgeous today,full of clouds that seems to be burning and every now and then between the trees i can see little pieces of paradises.(well at least for me) a small lake, full of lotus flower surrounde by autumn tree
coloured yellow, red,brown and green.
Now my mp3 plays "Shiver/of Coldplay"...brings me a lot of memories, like every sopng that i listen. 2000 aprox,i was 19 trying to find what to do in my life,i was obssesed about UK, to learn english,and the music was in a period of nothing new around!
but i always remember Kurt Cobain's words "every 10 years comes to the light a band who change everything) that was Coldplay at the beginning of the new milenium (but everyones said that we were going to die...¬¬).that period i started to look the sky...literally.
im used to walk looking down, to the ground, no for being sad or something..its just like that...but in that period i used to feel that everything's possible.
this song is so romantic, and strong...i was inlove of this band,this album "Parachutes" but it was the only one really pure of the band.
"We r gonna be friends/ White stripes" aprox 10 years later...another band who makes me believe again in that the rock was nop dead.Now the sky looks orange with blue clouds, perfect for this song."This moment should last forever" i think.and then i think in how easy and simple is my
happiness.Im Soooo sensitive with music.u can nopt believe.Now one of the guys who i respect, cause his music is not really my style, but like musician and some songs r ok. "oh jenny dont be hasty-Paolo Nutini", nice chilled out music to play in guitar or for to walk on the streets in winter.^^
Now we r in San Jose, a small town  near mine, its 19:15 pm.the lighs opn the street ar already on and on my playlist, coldplay again, this time with one of the most beautiful melodies and lyrics "The Scientist"...i even learned how to play it in piano.i can say that Coldplay was one of the band that
touched me deeply.i Love bands that can play simple chords and create great songs.
The guy next to me is falling sleep, i dont think that he understand english, middle age ,maybe my age, but its a guy eaten by the "machine and the system" he carries  laptop and a cellphone who has ansewred at least 6 times, his boss, asking stupid questions.But he looks happy...its like this "no surprises" people.
and i think "i hope in a few years, when he will be really tired of his woprk life..will have the guts to fly away.is the only thing we really have.

ok..now its playing "3 Libras - a Perfect Circle"its a little bit darker but i can see still everything...and this song, its about when u feel so fucking alone even being next to your couple."you dont see me at all..."the strongest sentence in this song..beautiful,and very hard to play.A perfect circle plays with your mind
while u enjoy their music.Love them, but im more passional.like now..."Lets break the night with Color-Richard Ashcroft", and i have to stop here a little bit.This is one of the most passionate person in the world!
i love his music, his lyrics..hes SO pure, truth..omg for me hes like a guru playing...Every single song os full of power,feelings.u can never said that he plays without heart.Music straitgh from the guts and the heart.i LOVE IT!

Now. its 19:30 , my playlist went to a darkest place,but more confortable to me.Depeche Mode, and my fav song of them "HOME"
this song has so many meanings to me...maybe cause i dont have a home..i still dont find my place..or at least i dont feel any place as home...and i wish SO much to sing this song with tears in my eyes..."and i thank u, for bring me here, for showing me home, for singing this tears, finally i've belong here"...one of the strongest
lyrics in my head.and the distortioned guitar at the end plus the violoncellos.amazing.someday i will find my place, Home.
theres another song that talks about the same feeling,"maybe tomorrow-sterophonics" they sing.."maybe tomorrow.ill find my wayyy home".

now i think that maybe i wont paste this to the blog, i know its too long i can keep and keep going through the music.It would be someone that passioned aboput music like me? of course! but if u are still reading, for sure is because u like same music ..am i right?

see? ot doesnt has any sense ,any line,any context what im writing here,im not a good writer for sure.

OMG! "Paranoid Android- Radiohead"..and im speachless haha! cause its my fav band (alive) cause my fav really is Nirvana, but i need a whole book to talk about all nirvana songs.someday.
now sounds the beautiful chorus that says..."rain down...rain down on me, from the great high" ahhh..i love Thom yorke's voice, its so pure, hes no even a great singer..but his voice is the purest of all by now.hes the artist that i most admire.he lieves in a little small place of his own heart
singing about light and dark inside.Gorgeous...magnanimus! hehe.all his songs are amazing deep...i have a tattoo of Radiohead in my back, its cover art of Kid A. one of the albums thatc hanged my way to listen music.
 "kill me sara, kill me again with love, its gonna be a glorious day"....this is "lucky-Radiohead" i love electrical guitar in this song,they can see the beautiful on grey and dark things too..like me, thats why i never feel depressed listening Radiohead, its like "a glorious" feeling.definetly the music of my dead or funeral.
now i just thought..." i should be paid for write what i feel about music" but that though dissapeared as quick as a reconginzed it as an egocentric dream.
awwwwww....and now the song of the guy next to me "No Surpirses-Radiohead"...the surrender song..."u look so tired and happy" hehe.i will ta
"i will take my quiet life handshake with carbonmonoxide,no alarms and no surprises...silence" Beautiful! how simple, smart and full of meaning lyrics and the music sounds like the one u play for put to sleep a kid.
"no alarms and no surprises please ..."

"Close to me - The Cure" Funny, beautiful and simple song about expectations ^^, i love to listen this song on important days of my life, like when i was trravelling to the ship,knowing that my life was going to change ^^.I love the video, locked inside a closet jumping from Dover's white reef.Beautiful.
its dark already, its 20 pm."the scary hour " for me..dunno why..but being on the streets at this time its scary...not night not day...this particular mix between sunset and night.¬¬.
anyway, i think we r in another small town called Loncoche.

yay!! "Alright-Supergrass" what a happy song, so fresh and truth...Love it! its like to make jelous everyone about the fact we r still young hehehe.this song always makes me smile and dance hehehe.Lovely and funny as hell english style video :).oh oh...im waving my hand two to the right two to the left at the rythm of this song XD.i dont care..i enjoy music so much!...

owwww a big big change. "The tourist-Radiohead"...uff strong song for me now...cause..i feel like a tourist in my own city..in my own house, a ghost.this is one of the songs that u love or hate.
till now i just met one guy (my good friend Paco) that really likes this song.i though "we must be connected in some way"...at least i know he feels the music so strong as me. with this song i think Thom is yelling at me "Hey man! slowww down! hey Idiot slow down!"...cause i really try to enjoy every minute of my life..but at the same time it goes so fast that im always thinking that im wasting my time...rush in the chest..always.

now the cities looks so far away...like a bunch of little lights that wants to imitate people...

"Lotus Flower-Radiohead" and their new album..king of limbs...im still listening to it.this song begings like a mix of a lot of RH songs.the voice of thom is Amazing! in this song.
this song and this album sound like feeling free.its a feeling that i used to taste lately.i dont know why..but i have this believe that some people in the world lives the same phases at the same time.
like my best friend Felipe and me...we r always feeling the same things..going into same paradigms,and im convinced that Thom Yorke is in the same as mine too.
lycirs and music confirm...i dont like to create music...but sometimes its just comes out.when im playing alone...eyes closed in a kind of trance.and the music its so similar to RH and Placebo.always this 2 bands....weird uh?

talking about placebo.."Special needs-Placebo"...."remember me?"....this reminds me of a crush that i had with a guy so much younger than me.he was like 9 years younger.but it was true,simple,silent,and amazing.it was just like for 3 weeks.

"just 19, dream obscene, i guess i thought u had the flavor"...amazing and so sexy song. ^^.

its very dark now...i can barely see the trees , i see shadows and clouds and the moon.every now and then u can see a house in the middle of nowhere, lights on..and u can see them sitting having dinner,so nice.

uh..."Diamond Eyes-Deftones"...this guy makes himself the sexiest just for his voice...its the way, the lyrics and the passion he expend singing."time will see us realined,diamond rain across the sky" Sexy music,send me to another state of mine.

"Safety dance-mens without hats"  i love this song..but i will never understand why the guy its always so serious singing heheh.but thats the good the song."Everybody's taking the chance", someone invite you to a mysterius place where u can act and dance how u like.heheh Love the video, the medieval town.:)

"money to Burn-Richard Ashcroft" my mentor again!...this song is..what i feel about enjoying life and about money.i really hate money,but if i have to play the game...here im to enjoy.and richard invites you to his life to enjoy,to burn money,cause this really doesnt matter.i Love the video, so free
playing on the steerts.hes really the lucky man ^^.

"maybe Tomorrow- stereophonics" talks about hhaving a great life...all u need is there..but still this emptiness inside...maybe tomorrow..we will find our way home.i really hope and dream about it.then u can really enjoy.the video represent very well the meaning of the song. and i Love the fact that its in B&W.

My fav song of the summer!! "White feather/ Wolfmother" this song means a lot now to me, it was about 2010, january, i was getting out of a long rlationshiop in wich -i dunno why-i private myself of the hthings i love.friends, phorography,dreams,beer,etc.. and this song make me feel when i went out of everything and i start to feel complete again.walking on the streets,with my camera listening music, this song was my favourite.I love this song for that reason
"somebody its trying to say that its all right now" ^^.

"Televators- Mars Volta"...this band blowed my mind since the moment i heard it.like happened with Placebo and Portishead.
this song its so beautiful, well no the lyrics..talks about a guy who suicide "stalk to grown..u should have seen the course that flew right by you,page of concrete"...music is amazing..this song is in my heart, and the video its amazing too.brings you to the very feeling of the song.
the voice of this guy is INCREDIBLE AMAZING...he can scream as well as he can wisper the sweetest lyrics.

"Do you want to- Franz ferdinand"..hehe this song is HILARIOUS! so smatr and funny.Lov it..this song always make me smile cause its so sarcastic...lyricns and music.
"his a famous friend and i blow him before you!" haaha..its about the fucking snobs, and now i remember Andrii, my Ukranian photographher friend on board, we always talked about snobs, or in my country known like "Shupers" XD.
"here we r in this transvision party, i love your friends, they look so Arty" XD. GREAT!...lucky..youre so lucky.
now im goin to finish this for now...cause it suposed that we get to the city at 9 and its 8 40.pm everything is dark now...a little bit down..everyone sleeping..im going to see friends..so..im ok.
Plus..i need a cigarette.

Pd> sorry orthography mistakes,i was just litening some music on my way trying to describe what i feel while im listening.

I only Know that i dont know anything...

Soon Baph mind will be posted here....