Vertigo

What is Vertigo?  afraid to fall..., deception, to open the eyes,can be painful, but "perder no impide apostar", and another AIC , "watched your feelings become your god...its your decision....you feed the fire that burns us all when u lied,to feel the pain that spur ypu on Black inside.."...mmmm. A a beautiful shiny needle. "the pain, the only thing thats real" said Jhonny. "be brave" i think.

Platon

"Habia una vez ..el hombre en su inicio, era un gigante de dos cabezas,
Zeus se sintio intimidado por su felicidad y grandeza, entonces los partio por la mitad,
desde ahi k uno busca su otra parte y no se es 100% feliz hasta k la encuentras"  el dijo..
yo cante... "The origin of Love".
Hermosa noche llena de gratas sorpresas.

El dijo.

Hedonism

Am i scaping of myself? do i hang around just with people who is like me? dont all of us do that?
im a completely selfdestructive person...i realized, when im sad..i lock myself..indoors, guitar, silence,cigs and dark thoughts.
but when im happy, nothings matter to me neither.the moment is everything...future nothing.im a caving my own graveyard?..dont we all
do the same?...why do i feel different then? Jhonny , Morrisey , Kurt , Layne, Thom , Jim, Richard. My inner friends hang with me at this time...
inmerse in a world without future,a world of now.filling the room with smoke til i dissapear.and i dont feel bad, i feel in a weird comfort.
"the comfort of being sad" said Kurt."My Videotape" to all, a window to one slow light crossing every single bone, flesh and veins.
Sadness and happines are just moments, so what am i.the feeling of nothing between them? a hope?
Looking throught a window how life happens o others while im still here.looking for something.
Hedonism will take me to some point? soon, i know.

Safe Music

well..Interesting feeling around...specially being bored...interesting cause theres still
places the i dont know and i dont have no even one month on this ship, but its true..its a boring one
but, thats makes me a sad but inspirated person.so..something good must have.
i definetly love italy, has so much history,its a city full of life!impresive, u feel small walking trough the
beautiful walls, uncontable bridges, u fell like u want to get lost!oh..how much i would love to live there...
and i still dont get the point of the Gondolas, the little boats that ride you thruogh Venice.They r so expensive and its the same
that to use the Vaporetto, or water taxis.well in gondolas just 2 people and vaporetto 50 XD.But Venice has this romance feeling around
to be surrounded of music, fine arts and an antique city,fuul of dark and small streets with restaurants,mmmm
impressive the fact that theres no streets at all! i mean..for cars, u walk through venice and theres no cars at all!you only walk,and its great.
i came back at 4 am,i was drinking wine and beer with 2 photogs and 2 italian guys that we knew in a restaurant.Lovely, to have this little piece of
reality, get to know new people,thats seems to be easier outside now,(on my last ship was so easy to know people..here.nobody even say hi)
walk at night,to hear the sound of the night,and get lost.
I think im starting to miss back home...and my feeling are that maybe ill no finish this contract...cause till now monotony can kill me,
thats why im planning some fun stuff to do here.By know...i miss my friends.and i cover myself with music thats makes me feel safe.

In the Cabin

well.
here am i, in my cabin, my small little piece of privacy in this ship.Im listening Radiohead
im chillin out for an hour before go to stup studios wich is one of the things i hate about
being photographer on ship.Setup and breakdown every day.
Im taking very easy this contract.i have more free time,im resting more...
learning to have my time to do things i like ,edit photos,write,listening music.The bad thing
on being more free is that time pass a little bit slowly...now i have time to miss all the people..
to think more...etc..
but for one reason i think im goping to grow up after this contract.Im having ideas about my future,
what to do...finding myself maybe.
i cannot read books here..cause if i sit to read i fall sleep LOL..and i hate to sleep a lot.
but at nights im sleeping ok, more than 4 hours, no like tha last contract.
parties here sucks anyway..there no back deck only a smelly little hole when everyone smokes and with to
loud music to have a nice conversation.anyway, that place is almost empty always.I dont know
what people do here to relax...is weird..but im having a nice ,quiet life.
hope this dont take me to feel depressed or dismotivated.now what i really really want its a good companion
to go aorund europe, places etc..but i know that i need more time too.I need to know more people than photogs.
I feel no pressure,  no stress, maybe cause i know my job already, and for now we dont have a BM,so nobody is
giving us shit,im going to keep this quiet rythm for now, but i realized that im not that smiley like before.
Im starting losing weight,but just cause the food here is good,you can choose everything you like on the buffet
restaurant.For example my dinner last night was, a nice letucce,corn,tomato,shrimps salad,with a piece of roasted duck
tea and a slice of bread...nice uh?.
Yesterday i went to walk to the city of Pireus,next to Athens in Greece.I liked cause it was so so so familiar.and
amazing churches.i went into one..it has some Bizantine painting outside,when i opened the door...i had to close it again
it was a Big real Shock! for my eyes.this is one of my fav arts in the world..i never thought that maybe i could see
a church for real like this one.i opened the door again i i couldnt believe my eyes..every single piece of church was
painting with bizantine art..full of golden borders,OMG.a lady standed uo and said " sorry but u cannot take pictures or video"
i wanted to kill her in that moment but the only thing i did was stay quiet with my mouth open watching everything.
that was a magic and important moment in my life.but the person next to me didnt know...and i wanted to share this with someone.
thats why i want now someone who likes this things like me...amazing.
Tomorrow im going to change my cabin...im living now with Lee,whos a great guy,nice and quiet.But still hes a guy, and we have to to
share bathroom,wich is always a little problem for girls.so im going to live with Antonija,the girl of the team wich i get along very well.
Its better this way,even i would rather to live with Lee.but ok..i dont care so much.
"Let down"..sounds, and i realized that i miss my more deep,creative side.i need to start to create.
Miss u guys.Wich to take you all in my bag and hang around all together.Love xx

Day 2

English please!
Ok, i change the chip again, everything's english, what a surprise today, formal night
i founded easy, but we hvae to do more shit cause now i here they use the PENTAB, whic is to
pass the card every time the guest want to take a picture...pf.
well..anyway, life here is easy guys, is so slow, its mostly old people, dont get me wrong i like old
people, thats something weird about me, i like to talk with them and laugh, dont know, i like them.BUT theyre
very slow, resi is slow, portraits,  but i got a good number of images today,so its ok.
we can go to eat at a restaurant on the deck 14,(yes my ship has 14 floors now)3 more than the other, is a new ship
so its nice, very nice decoration, amazing lounges and restaurants,and the people, you notice inmediatly
that they re"people with money".its my second day here and i havent went to any bar and havent drink any beer,
yes..ANY BEER, can u imagine that? well, we have to charge the card before use it, so i dont have money yet, but
at the end of the cruise i will, and ill be more familiarized with the ship.
It supused that i can smoke in my cabin, but i have a smoke detector, so anyway i have to open de door of the bathroom
and my "roomate" (the guy who lives next to me) he doesnt smoke, so i have to take care with that.
as i have no money on my card, i can not use internet, im desperate!, i want to tell that im ok and that im alive haha.
but tomorroe we go to civitaveccia, in  Rome, so i will find a place to get connected, and ill try to sub some pictures
of the trip to here.
im listening music everynight and reminds me so much of my friends and my life, my real life...sometimes i get
confused and i dont know wich one is my real life, i feel like i havent vacations, that i never get off the ships.
its weird.
i dont have any "friends" here yet, but i talk more with Lee,the guy from england whos new like me, so we have to go to
every trainning and with a girl from croatia of my team.and thats it, for now.
i was wondering that i miss a loot the other ship cause i had a lot of friends and i knew everyone there!
but i realized that just need time, i really hope to make good friends here like in the grandeur.
i miss my friends from there too, Todd, Damian, Andriij, David, Dmitry, Serjei,Bincon, Ben, Adam, etc.
i hope to find the motivation enough to stay here 6 months.
Ok, time to sleep cause tomorrow i have to work at 7:30.but then, Italy.:)
Nighty night.
Oh! i just arranged my cabin, it looks nice, but small.Ill take pics of that too.

Dia Uno

hEME AKI, He llegado bien, sin ningun problema de aduanas, aeropuertos,etc..
me vino a dejar un guapo en taxi,y llegue al barco, estuve esperando como 10 min k alguine vivniera
a buscarnos y nada.A l final nso hicieorn pasar al crew office,los datos etc..cuanod aparece un ingles
con cara de wena onda "Lucian" es mi photo lab manager,le pregunto inmediatamente cuantas mujeres hay en el team
,no kiero ser la unika otra vez, me dice k hay una mas chilena y k konoce a miki tb.
Me llevan a lo que sera mi pieza, hogar por 6 meses y me encuentro con uan cabina mil veces mas chica de lo k ya me habia
imaginado, vivo sola si,pero es tan pekena k la cama se reclina hacia arriba.Cuatico.me pregunto si no me dara claustrofobia
,y que como em acostumbre a estar encerrada k en mis vacacione scasi ni salia a caminar o hacer cosas.
Bueno, dejo msi cosas, me bano y me visto, llevo ya 14 horas de viaje, mi cuerpo dice k son las 5 am (hora de Chile) pero mi nueva realidad
dice k es hora de trabajar y son solo las 2 pm.con todo un hermoso doa de training(sobre la seguridad en el barco0, drill (los simulacros) y toda l atrde
enla gallery.Un chico tb ingles, de Birmigam (me encanta su acento) es mi vecino, y tb llego hoy al barco,foto 2.Resulta k ahora parece ser
k somos los dos con mas experiencia ya k el ekipo esta llenod e fotos 1.lo k es bueno y malo.Bueno por k ganaremos mas dinero y sabemos la pega,y malo
por k tendremos mas responsabilidad...pero weeno.
Yo no encuentro la hora de recorrer roma y de conectarme a internet,aun no tengo tarjeta ni dinero para llamar o para ver el facebook.
maniana es sea day y formal night (el dia k mas se trabaja),asi que toy cachando k maniana tampoco carrete ni internet.
Pero ,lo bueno, es esto.El ritmo es lentisimo, relajaaado, mi primera cena en el barco fue con Lee de england y con Ivan de Croacia
ambos resimpaticos,en la parte trasera del barco, al aire libre, mirando el atardecer.en una cena buffet en un retaurant.k mas? LOL
pero saben k? aun con todo eso...siento un vacio penca dentro mio, como k estos 6 meses se haran interminables.
ya llevo mas de 30 horas sin dormir y me duele la cabeza.aun asi kieor fumar un cigarro, pero kreo k no lo hare.y mejor al tuto.Maniana otro dia de pega.
o uno menos.mejor veamoslo asi.
No se por k, pero escucho Deftones y extrano mucho Curacao...